Time for a fresh start
So far, 2017 has not shaped up well on a professional level (as well as so many other levels). I have had two months of uncertainties, working on projects that may not ever come to fruition, waiting for people to make decisions that may shape the rest of my year, nay the rest of my life (no you’re being dramatic), not knowing what I will be doing this time next year.
Not knowing, it’s the not knowing that is the most troubling thing. I dislike uncertainty almost as much as I dislike holding hands with a child who has just been picking his/her nose. If you can take any more of my whining, here is a brief review of what is causing my pain right now:
- I have lost the location that I was going to run this summer’s camp at (something to do with imminent sewage works), and have restarted the long, arduous search for a suitable location. I have no idea when I will find one.
- I’m not sure whether I’ll be teaching full time next year, and I’m not sure how ‘full’ full time will be.
- I’m not sure what my summer will look like (because of the first two points).
- I’m not sure how many shows to sign up for (because of the first two points).
- I’m not sure what the future holds for Noctiluna (BECAUSE OF THE FIRST TWO POINTS)
All of the above has frozen me, and I have felt blocked creatively and unable to make any moves at all. Part of me really just wants to give up on doing anything and binge read Harry Potter on my sofa, whilst wrapped in a soft blanket – aah sweet escapism. But that won’t do, I need to snap out of this funk fast.
I tried writing a pros and cons list to bring some clarity, but that didn’t work, it just made me more sulky and contemplative. Noctiluna V full time teaching, working for someone else V working for myself, talking with colleagues V talking to myself, commute V sweatpants, structure V flexibility, teaching dream V artist/teacher/kick ass entrepreneur dream, chai V coffee, Hufflepuff V Griffindor…aaarrrgggh!
Nope. I guess the only way to becoming productive again is to just be productive. So I’m not going to think about anything, I’m just going to do (Nike was right).
I’ve started making stuff again, I’m drawing, and embroidering drawings – something I’ve always wanted to try.
A shipment of onesies landed on my doorstep yesterday, it’s a sign, I’m going to make some screens and start printing this week. I’m going to knock on the door of every church and school in Vienna to find a spot for the camps, and at some point over the next two weeks, I’m going to start a new canvas. Tomorrow, I’m going to a gallery to get inspired, (and to see other humans).
Interestingly, this fresh new start is also coinciding with my husband’s two week trip abroad, maybe I can be more productive in the evenings without my lounge-mate around? Who knows? I’ll be back with evidence of my productivity in the next post, and maybe even some clarity about the rest of the year.
Fellow self-employed artists with small businesses, I salute you, it is not for the weak of heart.